"It matters not what others think or say about you; all that matters is what you think about yourself." This wisdom your mother bestowed on you as a small child most likely helped you feel better about the bad day you had at school, the bully who called you names, or the fact your shoes weren't as nice and new as the other kids'...but your mother was a liar. This is horrible advice! It's poor advice because it's not true.
Although reassurance of this type is important to the development of our self-confidence as children, it's this way of thinking becomes detrimental to our development as adults. If your goal is to function as a contributing member of society (I hope this goes without saying) you must adhere to the harsh reality that it only matters what others think about you, as your life path is heavily influenced, and in some cases completely controlled, by others' perceptions of you.
You judge others on a daily basis. We all do. No? When was the last time you cruised past the Costco Food Court? A diverse crowd mowing down the unhealthiest of foods in large quantities...if you're suggesting you don't, for a moment, notice the grossly overweight family diving into a pizza, four chicken bakes and a few sundays before you notice the skinny family one table over enjoying same exact meal you're fooling yourself.
We like to kid ourselves into believing we do the things we do because we're independent thinkers but everything from your promotion at work to the shirt you put on this morning is a byproduct of eternal influences. A close friend of mine explained to me she spends hours each day putting on makeup because it makes HER feel good; she doesn't do it for anyone else. She then tried to help me understand how she's not influenced by the perceptions of other people. If this were true, she wouldn't care whether or not I understood her argument in the first place. The truth is, spending hours getting ready makes her feel good because she knows she looks good, and she looks good based on societal standards of what "looks good" established by your, my, and everyone else's perceptions. This, by the way, is totally okay in my eyes.
Some pull the "I'm practical" card and say they make purchases and decisions for that reason alone. If all you cared about was practicality you wouldn't have taken the time to double-check your color coordination when you got dressed this morning and you wouldn't have looked in the mirror like you did before you left the house. I suppose there are those who wear "what they want" regardless...but even Anarchists are conformists by title and being "untrendy" is a trend in itself (watch Portlandia).
I wish more people accepted and embraced this...moreover, I wish more parents would educate their children on the reality that other people's opinions do matter...but if we did that we wouldn't have all those people to laugh at during the first few weeks of American Idol. Imagine how much better off they would be if their parents simply told them the truth: "honey, you can't sing; they're going to laugh at you...get a real job." In watching their reactions to the rejection you realize you're witnessing the first time anyone has ever told them the truth.
I'm not suggesting you govern your life based solely on outside influences. I am, however, suggesting you'll live a more fruitful life if you choose to recognize this reality exists. I wear a tie for work because that's what society expects in my role...does this make me a sell-out or a conformist? Absolutely not. Other people's perceptions play a role in your advancement personally and professionally and successful people are willing and able to adapt to the situation in order to obtain what they want in life.
