The Day I Stopped Caring and Got Everything I Ever Wanted

Life sucks. Life is hard. I hate my job. I hate people...or so it was posted each morning on my Facebook news feed. It used to baffle and bother me when people would post negative comments alluding to what seemed to be a miserable existence ("used to", as now I just delete them: problem solved). It bothered me for two reasons: first, I couldn't begin to understand how one could think for a moment it was socially acceptable to air out dirty laundry in a public forum like that and second, I failed to comprehend how people could be so miserable in the first place.

It was the moment I acknowledged the latter I realized I failed to empathize with miserable people because I was not; am not; have never been miserable. Of course, thinking too much as I always do, I wondered why I wasn't miserable. Moreover, when was the last time I was unhappy? Crap.  Either my memory was slipping as I approached 30 or it had been so long I simply couldn't recall. The "why", however, I did know. I failed to be miserable simply because I didn't care.

Let me explain: I grew up essentially "fatherless" (see, here is where I enter into a brief bio and assume I'm important enough you actually care about my personal life). Well, fatherless in the positive sense. I consider myself lucky to have had an example of what not to be when I grew up, as opposed to having no example at all. I had a lot of angst built up for no specific reason. I was a good student, solid athlete, and had a great core group of friends but, as many of you can recall, I couldn't go a single school year without getting suspended at least five or six times (the Wednesday ditch party was totally worth it, by the way...sorry, Mom!). In short, I had a major problem with authority. I, of course, thought I was always right (still do) and found it hilarious to see adults in positions of power get so worked up over the comments of a 17-year-old.

It was funny until I was nearly expelled my Junior year. To this day I know I was in the right regarding the incident in question but that's not the point. As I pleaded my case to my Grandfather he listened quietly, taking in every word and seemingly siding with me as I carefully crafted my argument for why I was right and "they" were wrong. For those of you who know my Grandfather, he needs no introduction. He was and is the positive father figure in my life and when he spoke, I listened. I doubt he ever knew how much his words influenced my perspective growing up and what he said next changed my life forever:

"It doesn't matter" he said. "Your perspective of who's right and who's wrong doesn't mean anything. It doesn't even matter who is actually right and who is actually wrong because you are not in control; they are. If you are unhappy with the decisions being made and with how things are being run you must learn to play by their rules. Otherwise, you're nothing but a troublemaker. You must play the game, give them what they want, and work your way into a position where you have the power to make decisions...and once you're there, you change everything." 

I immediately understood. Life is a chess game. The things beyond one's control matter very little in the greater scheme of things, for we are blessed to live in a country where if one works hard and plays by the rules he can work himself into a place where he makes the decisions and then, and only then, can he craft the world he wants to live in. This was the moment I stopped caring. I stopped caring about the crap; the things that used to set me off that I literally had zero control over. Traffic, bosses, coworkers, authority figures, computer crashes, flat tires, other people's stupidity...the list goes on.

The moment I stopped caring is the moment I began to get everything I ever wanted and it continues to be a race to see how quickly I can craft the world I want. Life is a series of chapters. Some seemingly have nothing in common with those preceding them, and it is not until we finish the book that we understand what a fluid and seamless tale it has been. It is the distraction of things we cannot control that effect our ability to complete chapters. If you do not like the page, keep reading, for if you keep reading the chapter and the story will eventually change and you will sleep better, love more, earn more, laugh more, and enrich the lives of others while simply living. If you can't read, learn how to play chess. You'll thank me, I promise. Or, perhaps you should thank my Grandfather.

I could not be more pleased with the progress...but 30 is just the beginning.

You're Just A Big Baby

People are like babies; one can say whatever he wishes to another and as long as it's presented in a positive tone with a smile on one's face the content matters very little. Don't believe me? Try saying this to a baby with a high pitch and a smile: "You're a stupid little baby! Yes, you are! Nobody likes you!" Did the baby smile? Of course he or she did. As children we respond to sounds and tones long before we understand the meaning of words. We learn to react to the energy and reactions of others as we grow- A toddler falls and immediately looks up to see who notices...adults show concern: toddler cries...adults laugh it off: toddler sucks it up. The problem is most of us never outgrow this and fail to control our emotions without outside influences.

Case in point: Occupy Wall Street. The economy is in bad shape. We are all painfully aware of this...but what if we weren't aware? What if no one ever told us the economy was bad? What if the tone in the news and among others was not one of sorrow and frustration and was instead one of, well, normalcy?

For our parents and grandparents the economy is drastically different than what they're used to. Things are extremely difficult, by comparison. What they've known to this point is: "if I purchase a mutual fund, it goes up over time; if I purchase a home it will be worth more in the future than it is today; if I get an advanced degree I will get a higher paying job..." and so on. Things are not that way any longer and for those of us who have or are entering the work force from roughly 2004 on we don't know any better.  For the rest of us the economy is not bad...it just IS.

I don't believe the economy is in bad shape because I, personally, have no reference point for comparison. All I know of the world is the way things are currently and, as a result, I know if I want to excel, thrive, or simply survive I have to work hard (seems odd to present this as some sort of revelation). We are no longer part of the "if I go to law school I will get a six-figure job" era. In fact, for most of my peers we were never part of that era, even if we went to law school expecting this outcome. So what if no one told you the economy stinks? What if people, instead, told you this was the way of the world? What if all you knew the economy to be was the way it is currently and not what you read or heard about historically? What if social programs and subsidies didn't exist? What if you had to compete for a job as opposed to simply landing one out of college? What if? What would YOU do?

I understand there are unfortunate circumstances and bad things happen to good people. Such is the way of the world and I feel very fortunate to have not landed on that side of things to this point. However, I have zero sympathy for people my age who expect what has not been earned. This, by the way, includes a job! The sooner you accept the economy is simply the way it is and learn to fight for what you want the better off you'll be. Think about it: if you can learn to thrive in today's climate imagine how great things will be when the economy returns to what our parents and grandparents grew accustomed to! You'll be so far ahead of the curve no one will ever catch you! Stop feeling sorry for yourself and blaming others for things you can control. Get to work. Can't "find" a job? I'm hiring...call me.

There is a fine line between optimism and ignorance and successful people walk through life with one foot on each side.