Don't believe me? Let's first discuss what true friendship is. We likely have different criteria to be considered for this exclusive membership of sorts but one thing cannot be debated: any meaningful relationship should be based on "selfless reciprocity". Meaning, you do for another without the expectation of getting something in return. The key being the other person does the exact same thing. The reciprocity occurs naturally - but is not expected by either party. "I do because I care, not because it serves my purpose." However, although I do not give in order to receive your praise, if I give and give and you fail to show gratitude, at some point I will question whether or not you truly value me and my efforts. Friendship is an effort score and nothing more.
You undoubtedly have some people on your friend list with an effort score of zero. Think of those people...then ask yourself: "why are we still friends?" Are you still friends simply because you've known them for 20 years? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds? There's an economic principle called a "sunk cost" that states any investment-to-date should not influence decisions about the future because no matter what your decision, the investment has been made and cannot be recovered. This includes time. It's not as black and white as this when it comes to relationships and I recognize this...but you see what I'm getting at. This brings me to my second point: if you are growing personally and professionally your circle of friends should be ever-changing. Some go out, while others come in.
I've come to believe and invite the idea that life is made up of "chapters". Each chapter involves new discoveries of self and surroundings, new challenges, new occupations, new cities, etc. Often chapters can seem so different they may as well be a world away. And with each chapter comes a new circle of people you choose to let into your life or who are thrown upon you due to circumstances. What we often fail to do is close one chapter as we begin a new one and we hang onto characters from old pages that have no place in the rest of our story. Who we are and our perspective on things are made up in large part by our interactions with others, and we often cross paths with people, sometimes only for a moment, who have a tremendous impact on our lives. They help shape who we are today. But that does not necessarily mean they have a place in the rest of our book. Sure, you'll pick up a few characters in each chapter who will follow you the rest of the way, or sometimes for several chapters - and these are your true friends - but no one has the emotional capacity to continually invest in every person they share a positive experience with.
True friends will continually challenge you to be better, to do more, and to change for the better. True friends will support your growth and encourage you to think of things from a different angle. True friends will call out of the blue...for no reason at all. Sometimes people fail to follow through in these areas and sometimes we have to be okay to let people go...and sometimes it's only to save ourselves. There is a big difference between acting selfishly and acting in self-interest and you need to be strong enough to accept you're okay with the latter before you can consciously change your circle for the better.
