I'll Tell You Why...You Tell Me Why I'm Wrong

People tell me I’m always right.  It’s not that I’m always right; it’s just that I’m never proven wrong.

How much of what you say do you truly believe? All of it, of course.  That’s my answer, too...but it’s not true; most of the conversations we have every day are collaborative recreations of what we heard on the news the night before, read in the paper that morning, and overheard someone discussing in a restaurant last week.  We unconsciously script and plagiarize on a daily basis, regurgitating catch phrases and big words we often can’t define.  

Contrary to what we’re taught in school, plagiarism isn’t the problem.  After all, every idea is inspired by and built on an idea already established; points of view and opinions can not exist without a pre-existing foundation upon which to base our argument and, in a way, our beliefs are a hodgepodge of stolen puzzle pieces we collect over the years.  The problem is most cannot explain why they choose to hold on to the puzzle pieces they do.  

“Why?” is the only question necessary to dive into a person’s soul and psyche.  

Most cannot explain the reasoning behind their views because no one has ever asked them to...and political correctness is to blame.  In our efforts to force a utopian society we’ve taken the concept of equality and the right to think freely and skewed them until opinions are presented as truths in debate and we simply nod and respond with statements like “I see your point”...but just because you think does not mean you’re right. 

We’ve become accustomed to treading lightly, as not to offend and are too afraid to challenge one another on the fundamentals that make us who we are.  The result is conversations that sound important but do nothing more than scratch the surface and circle around important issues with no resolve.  

I’m not politically correct, nor am I easily offended.  I wish more people were this way.  I am not always right.  Challenge me and ask me why I believe what I do and I will respect you more for it.  You will be amazed to discover how many people begin backpedaling when you challenge their point with true conviction; you discover most don’t really know what they believe...but it is this process of discovery that leads to true understanding.  Don’t shy away from vulnerability - it will only make you stronger.

YOU HATE YOUR WEEKENDS

People tell me I work too much.  “Compared to what?” I ask. How many hours a week do you work? I don’t know how many hours I work each week.  I’ve never cared enough to track it.  A better question is “How many hours should one work per week?”  The answer is an indicator of one's value system (perhaps we can talk about that in another blog).

If I told you I work, on average, 60-80 hours each week you would think me a workaholic.  It's natural to compare a schedule to the standard 40-hour work week, born of the 5-day work week implemented at a time when employees were exploited to no end; work was scarce and people were starving.  You don’t want to work 14 hours per day, seven days a week? Okay, you’re fired.  There’s a line of workers waiting to take your place. Safety, sickness and injuries were major problems and the 5-day work week improved the American Worker’s health and lifestyle. 

Worker conditions have changed a bit over the last 100 years and "labor" is hardly what it was then...so is 40 still the right number?  

Is a farmer in harvesting season working dawn to dusk or a surgeon performing a 15-hour surgery to save a life working too much?  Surely you don’t put a time limit on cleaning the house, yard work, or on being a good parent or partner...”sorry, Bobby, can’t play ball today - we’ve already had two hours of father/son time this week.”  Like the farmer or the surgeon you put in as much time as it takes to get the job done.  How much do I work?  As much as I need to...and I love every minute of it.

Yes, I love the 60+ hours I work every week...so why don’t you love your 40 hours?  The problem isn’t the work load, coworkers, the hours invested, or the job itself.  The problem isn’t you work too much; the problem is you don’t know how to spend your free time.  

I don’t sleep much.  There’s no time.  

The Math:

There are 168 hours in a week.  56 hours (33%) are devoted to sleep (assuming you sleep 8 hours per night) and 40 hours (24%) are devoted to work (for most).  This leaves 72 hours (43%) to devote to free time.  There’s only one problem: you’re relying on only 24% of your life to financially support the other 76%!  If you expect to increase the quality of your free time you must be prepared to spend more than 24% of your time working...which means either the amount of free time or sleep have to give.  You can have more free time or higher quality free time but, as a general rule, you cannot have both...so stop searching for "balance".

You go back to work on Monday morning feeling unfulfilled and unrested...”Here we go again! Monday already”.  Why aren’t you refreshed after spending the weekend sleeping in, watching TV on the couch, and eating out?  Truth is you hate your weekends.  You don’t know how to spend your free time.  Rest means rest of the mind - a distraction from the demands of work, not physically lounging around doing nothing.  Your mind and body still need stimulation and this comes in the form of interactions with friends, debate and conversation, exercise, travel, Faith, projects, hobbies, etc. Not TV, potato chips, or waking up at 10am. The happiest people in the world are productive people.  Rethink how you spend your free time.  If you’re not exhausted at the end of your weekend you’re not doing it right.  

I promise you if you're tired on Sunday night from an exhausting weekend you'll enjoy work more that coming week than you ever have.  Work is the means to an end...suck it up and live it up.

Your Mother Was A Liar!

"It matters not what others think or say about you; all that matters is what you think about yourself."  This wisdom your mother bestowed on you as a small child most likely helped you feel better about the bad day you had at school, the bully who called you names, or the fact your shoes weren't as nice and new as the other kids'...but your mother was a liar. This is horrible advice!  It's poor advice because it's not true.

Although reassurance of this type is important to the development of our self-confidence as children, it's this way of thinking becomes detrimental to our development as adults.  If your goal is to function as a contributing member of society (I hope this goes without saying) you must adhere to the harsh reality that it only matters what others think about you, as your life path is heavily influenced, and in some cases completely controlled, by others' perceptions of you.

You judge others on a daily basis.  We all do.  No?  When was the last time you cruised past the Costco Food Court?  A diverse crowd mowing down the unhealthiest of foods in large quantities...if you're suggesting you don't, for a moment, notice the grossly overweight family diving into a pizza, four chicken bakes and a few sundays before you notice the skinny family one table over enjoying same exact meal you're fooling yourself.

We like to kid ourselves into believing we do the things we do because we're independent thinkers but everything from your promotion at work to the shirt you put on this morning is a byproduct of eternal influences. A close friend of mine explained to me she spends hours each day putting on makeup because it makes HER feel good; she doesn't do it for anyone else.  She then tried to help me understand how she's not influenced by the perceptions of other people.  If this were true, she wouldn't care whether or not I understood her argument in the first place.  The truth is, spending hours getting ready makes her feel good because she knows she looks good, and she looks good based on societal standards of what "looks good" established by your, my, and everyone else's perceptions. This, by the way, is totally okay in my eyes.

Some pull the "I'm practical" card and say they make purchases and decisions for that reason alone.  If all you cared about was practicality you wouldn't have taken the time to double-check your color coordination when you got dressed this morning and you wouldn't have looked in the mirror like you did before you left the house.  I suppose there are those who wear "what they want" regardless...but even Anarchists are conformists by title and being "untrendy" is a trend in itself (watch Portlandia).

I wish more people accepted and embraced this...moreover, I wish more parents would educate their children on the reality that other people's opinions do matter...but if we did that we wouldn't have all those people to laugh at during the first few weeks of American Idol.  Imagine how much better off they would be if their parents simply told them the truth: "honey, you can't sing; they're going to laugh at you...get a real job." In watching their reactions to the rejection you realize you're witnessing the first time anyone has ever told them the truth.

I'm not suggesting you govern your life based solely on outside influences.  I am, however, suggesting you'll live a more fruitful life if you choose to recognize this reality exists. I wear a tie for work because that's what society expects in my role...does this make me a sell-out or a conformist?  Absolutely not. Other people's perceptions play a role in your advancement personally and professionally and successful people are willing and able to adapt to the situation in order to obtain what they want in life.

Men Aren't Men...They're Not Really Anything

It's the man's responsibility to make tough and sometimes controversial decisions in the short run that enhance the lives of his family and further the advancement of society in the long run.  We are hunter-gatherers.  We have a responsibility to provide, to shelter, and to defend.  The woman is the homemaker, nurturer, supporter, and emotional rational that balances the man's inability to empathize.  The man's role is synonymous with security, progress, brute strength, and rationale. After all, men built the world, did they not?

What a sexist thing to say!  Perhaps...but that does not make it less accurate.  It is, however, accusations of sexism, prejudice, and the like that have lead to a society of men too afraid to assert the forceful drive that comes so naturally; we've suppressed it to such a degree we've lost touch with our ability to simply be men.

In your household men are still expected to change lightbulbs, mow the lawn, fix the car, and open a stubborn jar of pickles, yet it is considered sexist to say women are expected to cook, clean, care for the children and manage the home.  We have roles, stated or unstated, and it is clearly defined roles that allow any organization, family, or machine successfully function.  Most women still prefer the man to be the breadwinner in the relationship and find drive, work ethic, and an ability to provide as attractive qualities in a mate.  

The feminization of America is partly to blame.  Women have continued to enter the work place in record numbers since the beginning of the 20th century and, unfortunately for women, society has welcomed them with open arms.  It's unfortunate because we now expect women to be as productive in the workplace as men are, all the while expecting them to remain just as productive at home in the role they have held for millennia.  We expect women to now pull double duty and, as a result, echoes of the need for "work/life balance" resonate among working women.

I get upset when I think how this concept of "work/life balance" has become a universal mantra chanted by men and women alike.  The result is generations of men who are nothing more than lazy and chalk it up to needing "balance" in their lives.  Balance for what? Your responsibility as a man is to provide and your ability to do so will fill your family with more security and pride than being home for dinner every night will.  I know plenty of men with tons of spare time: they're unemployed and the family isn't any better off despite all the time they get to spend together.

Men, don't twist your laziness into some sort of noble gesture to provide your family with emotional support by striking "balance".  This is not your role.  Get over your ego and fear of failure...cutting yourself short and calling it "balance" is an ingenious way to half-ass your way through life masked as something honorable but it is an embarrassment. Get to work...you may frustrate some but they'll love you more in the long run.