What a sexist thing to say! Perhaps...but that does not make it less accurate. It is, however, accusations of sexism, prejudice, and the like that have lead to a society of men too afraid to assert the forceful drive that comes so naturally; we've suppressed it to such a degree we've lost touch with our ability to simply be men.
In your household men are still expected to change lightbulbs, mow the lawn, fix the car, and open a stubborn jar of pickles, yet it is considered sexist to say women are expected to cook, clean, care for the children and manage the home. We have roles, stated or unstated, and it is clearly defined roles that allow any organization, family, or machine successfully function. Most women still prefer the man to be the breadwinner in the relationship and find drive, work ethic, and an ability to provide as attractive qualities in a mate.
I get upset when I think how this concept of "work/life balance" has become a universal mantra chanted by men and women alike. The result is generations of men who are nothing more than lazy and chalk it up to needing "balance" in their lives. Balance for what? Your responsibility as a man is to provide and your ability to do so will fill your family with more security and pride than being home for dinner every night will. I know plenty of men with tons of spare time: they're unemployed and the family isn't any better off despite all the time they get to spend together.
Men, don't twist your laziness into some sort of noble gesture to provide your family with emotional support by striking "balance". This is not your role. Get over your ego and fear of failure...cutting yourself short and calling it "balance" is an ingenious way to half-ass your way through life masked as something honorable but it is an embarrassment. Get to work...you may frustrate some but they'll love you more in the long run.
Dbl J strikes again. Love it!
ReplyDeleteI believe that the Fear of Failure in these men is the result of being brought up by men who set a poor example for them in the first place. They were told the can B ANYTHING, but had little guidance and as a result they have HUGE DREAMS with foundations no stronger than an un-followed through idea. Since these "children" had to do it on their own and it takes a work-ethic that they weren't taught, they fail on purpose to have an immature sense of control.
ReplyDeleteBoys raise boys, and men raise men.
Joshua, I couldn't agree more! I believe the very nature of modern society has so greatly blurred the intended purpose of each sex and deeply disturbed it's symbiotic relationship. Your comment is not sexist in fact I would say it's biblically accurate. God created man and woman out of man for not only companionship but to help man. Each sex was blessed with different strengths almost to make them dependent on the other and not just for reproductive purposes. Man was created not only to protect & provide but to establish reason & logic. Woman was created for love, nurture and emotion, women are essentially the heart. Each role is so very different but equally important. I think that the fall of man was not just that they ate from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil but the tiny precursor before that.... man did not protect and guide woman with logic when she was tempted by the serpent. In fact it says that man "hearkened" woman and ate the fruit. Man listened to woman, whaaaat?! =)
ReplyDeleteI can definitely attest as a single, working female in this country that I feel incomplete and almost unnatural playing "man and woman" for myself in a man's world, regardless of my level of financial success and acquisition. I think we all suffer in countless ways when we are forced or choose to stray from our original God given roles. It's a scary ripple effect and a topic that should be touched on more. Thank you Joshua.
I loved reading this post! I really enjoy your "blunt-ness"...I completely agree with this.
ReplyDeleteHey Josh, came across your blog while getting sucked into your interesting/entertaining statuses on Facebook. I appreciate you writing this. Been thinking about this topic for a while and I’d be interested to know your thoughts on my opinion:
ReplyDelete(to follow - too many characters)
I would agree with you that men’s instinct is to protect and provide. They are physically bigger and stronger. It makes sense. A woman’s instinct is to please, to ensure she’ll be provided for and protected, which leads to loving and nurturing, empathy, etc. We are concerned with other people’s happiness, we want to be liked and valued, and we are amazing adapters in order to achieve these things. Typically, what is valued in a society is productivity. Producing is a masculine trait. And so at a certain point, when it became necessary because there were a lack of male producers at war, women tried to bring value and became more masculine. We became producers.
ReplyDeleteWhere I disagree with you is that this instinctual relationship must remain as-is today in order for men and women to be happy healthy individuals/couples. This relationship between men and women was created for a time when we were in survival mode, which we are not in today (in America). It also created an adversarial relationship between men and women, because women were dependant on men to keep them alive. When you have an adversarial relationship, both parties are always fighting for the power. And because a woman can’t typically win power physiccally,(she does so by strategizing. We do things to make men like us enough to provide and protect us, and emasculate them enough to make sure they realize they don’t have all the power. It’s a terrible dynamic that leads to resentment instead of support. So yes, during those times, where women were in the home, they were being provided for and protected while men were building the world, but they also were dependant on men, which didn’t allow for many choices, for fear of being left to fend for themselves. Adversarial relationships are not the way to get the best of what women have to offer.
Like I said, we are no longer in survival mode. Yes, there are some people who fear for their lives everyday. But this is not the majority. When one starts to move out of survival mode, what a person wants out of life is not just to live, but to be happy. And being in the roles that were designed instinctually for survival, do not necessarily make us happy. They keep us alive. Now, more than ever, a society exists where we can be happy because women are not dependant on men to survive. But it requires shifting out of the idea of an adversarial relationship and into partnership. And it requires considering the male and female tendencies, ways of thinking, ways of communicating, ways of feeling, that are so ingrained in us because of what was established in survival mode. A man can still be a provider and protector. That doesn’t necessarily mean that he has to provide all the income per se. But he does have to feel he is providing, and that it’s making his partner happy, and that she appreciates it.
I think it’s fine to want new things for ourselves, that might be outside the typical roles that have been created (or not), but we need to figure out what that is for each of us, not based on what society says or how it’s been in the past. And it needs to be communicated when getting into a relationship. When men and women can be straightforward in what they want, what they need, and what they are willing to and want to give to their partner, deals can be made that both people are happy with. And a man can provide just as much value to his family providing a hot meal on the table each night, providing clean clothes for the family to wear, providing a clean house for the family to be together in at night, as he can by providing a pay check. Neither is the “correct” choice for every man. Where we do agree, is that he should be providing something that is of value to his family. Not just for them but for himself. It’s such a huge part of who he is as a man. But I believe that can be different for everyone, and still contribute to family and society in a meaningful way.